Monday, December 03, 2007

Life and Lies of RECA

Wonder what's the last survey for? Yes, it's for knowing the current status of my life. Things you know, don't know, want to know, and don't want to know. The poem from Kevin's blog kinda reminds me of my life and what's happening around me. This is where it all begins.

Everybody knows me as cheerful, always smiling even amidst different problems. But they don't know that I hold a deep secret, actually it's not already a secret because I've told Tango about this already, inside me. Some kind of a phantom of the opera, if you know what I mean. I love math, yes. Though I suck in it these days. Trigonometry combined with Geometry followed by intermediate algebra is not a joke! I admit, I'm a kid at heart, just like my mom. It's happy being so young. I wish I regain youth... Speaking of youth, I just hate the past and the future. It haunts me, it makes me think of doing errors and make a fool of myself. All I know is some of my friends befriended me because of *kaching*. I am not from a rich family. I am from an average family that is rich with God's blessings. Well, not really average. Now... this is the deepest secret I will reveal, if you considered the above things as secret that is. Why do I make fun of other people? Why am I always connected to the 'net? Why am I exerting myself of irritating other people just to get noticed? Why would you see me doing anything almost anytime? It's because I'm avoiding my presence to the real world. I don't want to think of my problems. My friends are always there to help me. Thank you Nikki, Tango, Kuya Kev, Kuya Anjo, Kuya Pat, Ate Kamae, Ate Kon, Jeff, Mary, Jeanne, Edrun, JJ, Jommel, Eidref, Ronerick, Ken Marvin, Marty, Sarah, Nark, Eliz, Jastine, Jiorg, Gino, and to many others I haven't mentioned that would definitely fill this whole page up. They make me think that I am rich in friends. But what is my problem? Some already knew that my dad suffered from cancer. Specifically, in the throat. It all started there. That sickness was since 5th grade. It got worse every year. And it only affected his eyes and brain, I think, this year. The accident that I couldn't tell last summer, 2007, was the time he passed out jogging near the Sports Complex bay. I started to worry that time. Then, while my second year of high school passes on, I didn't notice that he couldn't see anymore and there's a big bulge on his right eye. He started to get thin too. During that time, I limited myself from going out. And I'm not kill joy, Edrun. If you think that I won't go with you guys at the mall. I wanted to see my father's face if he is near death. Then just today, I went at school and my dad's getting strange. You know, nangingisay-ngisay. Today was also our rehearsal for the Biazon contest to be held at Festival Mall Expo Trade Hall on December 8. So, after what happened at school day, I went home knowing that my father is dead. My mom told me that she didn't texted me because she didn't want me worrying and focusing on other things. But I haven't focused since then because I have sensed this already. My head ached and everything ached from me. I'm filled with mixed emotions. I don't know what to feel. I feel numb...

That is me. A person with random thoughts, feelings, emotions, behavior, and everything. I know I am very difficult to be understand. I know you don't understand what the meaning of the other sentences are. And what's more is, I know you'll reread this post. Hah!

So that's all. It's up to you what you want to feel or do with me. Some people are just meant to be random! Evanesco!

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